The Odious Derp

3DS - The Dual Stick Debacle

2011-11-14T00:36:00.000-08:00

The dual analog attachment for the 3DS presents a rather large problem for Nintendo and the present owners of the console. If games are designed to make use of it, whether it be an option or a critical component or even a noticeable advantage in game play, this would cause grief for those who don't have or are unwilling to buy this rather awkward dual thumb stick attachment. The reason being that those who don't have the attachment would be alienated from buying games designed/adapted for use with it. This would, in turn, cause the developers to avoid the attachment altogether.

I agree that a second analog nub should have been a feature from the start and that it is a feature that should be added even now but it is in danger unless Nintendo can take these logical and necessary steps:

Immediately design a new model of the 3DS with the second thumb stick
Give every original 3DS model owner a voucher for the free dual stick attachment.

Although it would be unfortunate for the early adopters to become stuck with this beast attached to their consoles for those games designed for 2 sticks, it is a better option than allowing the confusion that is sure to ensue with consumers and developers once this thing is released.
This is similar to the situation with the Sega CD or even 32X. An attachment is created and has games developed to utilize it/depend on it. The consumers see that the investment of money and effort into using it outweighs the advantages. The developers see the demand slump from the get-go and lose interest in creating for the attachment. Viscous circle. Lack of interest from consumers causes a lack of games which causes a further lack of interest, vice versa. Attachment is doomed at that point and the likelihood of this happening with the dual stick attachment for the 3DS is very real.

PSP Transfer Program

2011-11-11T17:57:00.000-08:00

The PSP game transfer program for the Vita is complete crap. Sony expects people to pay from 6 to 20 dollars to allow the games they have already payed for to be played on the new system. That makes sense. Oh, wait.
NO IT DOES NOT!
What kind of morons are going to actually fall for that? Nevermind, I forgot. People bought the PSP go.

So the idea is that the gamers are to pay extra for digital versions of physical games they already own.
This is why companies get fucked by piracy. They do stupid things that make no sense aside from grubbing money from the people they rely on. Once again Sony is paving the way for maximum capitalist douchery. Next thing you know they will ask for a monthly fee to play offline games on their consoles...

Maybe someone should go occupy the Sony boardroom. Leave extra feces on the chair of the CEO for all the gamers who are being insulted by the constant parade of moronic ideas that seem to be created from Sony's thinktank.

Game Review 1 - Back to the Future (NES)

2011-09-06T18:25:00.000-07:00

This would have been a promising game. Would have. It's too bad that it is a seriously flawed nightmare of frustration and design. Considering the amazing movie they had to work off of as source material, the potential of this game was mind-boggling. You could have had a serious platforming adventure through Hill Valley. Instead we received a game which, at best, vaguely resembles the film. I do not see what Marty running through random streets being attacked by bullies, bee's and bitches has to do with a time-travel adventure film involving a DeLorean.

The basic premise of the game is that you are Marty McFly jogging through Hill Valley to collect clocks in order to prevent your disappearance from existence. The closer you are to disappearing, the more the photo of the 3 kids fades away at the bottom of the screen. The more clocks you collect in quick sequence, the more the picture remains complete. I found this to be a creative idea. Unfortunately, the vast majority of this game is just running into these clocks and avoiding the absurd hazards in the Hill Valley streets circa 1955 (I think).

The biggest problem with these street levels is the fact that anything and everything you touch will make you trip and die. These hazards are so frequently game-interrupting that you become unable to collect clocks competently. Each time you fall over, all clocks in view disappear. This is a severe handicap when you respawn as you are unable to collect more clocks until you continue past the in-view area when you died. So much wasted time.

The live hazards like the people and bee's are all pretty annoying but can be nullified by picking up a... bowling ball... which is located at random points in the levels. I can imagine if Marty had decided to go on an endless, homicidal rampage killing people with 10-pins back in 1955. Back to the Future the R rated cut.

I only got as far as the Diner stage. It's impossible, enough said. The point of the level is to take out all off the thugs without letting one of them reach the counter. Unfortunately this is impossible because the thugs can easily run up while you are hopelessly trying to maneuver yourself into the right position to attack them.

All in all this game was a lost opportunity. There are so many feasible ways to make Back to the Future into an enjoyable game yet running around and endlessly collecting clocks became the idea they chose and published. An early taste of the future of movie games. Crap, crap, crap. At least most future movie games had more relation to the source materials.

This game receives 4/10 Derps. Fail.

Nintendo's Ambassador Program

2011-09-05T17:00:00.000-07:00

THE ULTIMATE FAIL!
I knew right when they announced this program for the original 3DS adopters that it was going to be some very cheap, empty apology. I can imagine how little it costed Nintendo to digitally release a bunch of games that have been out since the mid 1980's. I would not have payed that 80 dollar price difference for 10 original Nintendo games that I have managed to play considerably in my life. Same goes for the 10 GameBoy Advance games coming in the next few months. I think I would have rather had just an apology because then I wouldn't have felt insulted that this was their attempt at making it up to the early supporters of their struggling handheld.

PS: 1 of the 5 GBA games is a Super Nintendo remake. +1 Fail Nintendo, +1. Cant wait to see what the next 5 are. :P

Sequels en masse

2011-08-21T19:55:00.000-07:00

It occurred to me that most of the popular games now are just sequels. It seems like in the video game industry, just like the movie industry, has got stuck in the rut of safe money-making instead of taking creative chances. It's too bad too as so many great idea's can be pushed aside due to the almighty dollar.

And now I will list the worst offenders by franchise.

- Assassins Creed
- Call of Duty
- Any sport game
- Uncharted
and many more.

I could count Final Fantasy but as each game is pretty much a completely separate story, it get's spared from the sequel list of doom.

Well the task is clear video game developers: Get off your asses and take some chances. Let's see more original work and less safe story rewrites.

Rage-quitters

2011-08-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

Rage-quitters have ruined Left 4 Dead 2. Since the versus mode requires there to be human players on each team, whichever team is doing bad will deplete in population down to 0 thus causing server shutdown. In effect, ruining the entire game for the winning team. It is pretty much the nature of the game now to understand that once you are winning you won't see the fruits of your labour IE the end of the campaign because the other team will quit. These moronic people have sucked the life out of the game. It is probably going to slide into oblivion like Unreal Tournament 2K4 soon enough. Either that or another Left 4 Dead game will be released attracting all the quitters and good players alike.

"Why play when you can't win? Even better! Why play when you can't win and can ruin the game for the people who are whooping your ass?"

Dusk of the 7th Generation (Naming Uncreative)

2011-08-17T18:00:00.000-07:00

It appears that the 7th generation of video games is approaching its end with considerable speed. Nintendo has already released the 3DS to supplant (hopefully) the DS. Sony is releasing the PSP's successor, the PlayStation Vita (PSVitamin!) soon. Nintendo has also already announced the imminent release of the WiiU. All we are now doing is waiting on the next move of Sony and Microsoft. It will be interesting to see what kind of shitty-ass names they can half-bake for the next generation consoles. This naming sequel horse-crap has got to stop. Imagine if Nintendo did that? The GameCube would have been called the "Nintendo Entertainment System 4"

It is amazing that these companies are willing to keep releasing consoles under the same name generation after generation because they are afraid of muddling with brand-recognition.

Minecraft Fetish

2011-08-16T19:13:00.000-07:00

I think I play too much Minecraft. I have over 16 days played since the beginning of this year. Ouch. Took me a year and a half to reach that with my other second longest played game, Left 4 Dead 2.

There is something about building an entire world with your friends. Every little walkway and building is unique to the person and we all come together to talk and build. It's like super-unlimited adult Lego that doesn't require a ridiculous financial investment.

I can't imagine how rich this has made the creator of Minecraft. That man must be sleeping on a mattress of 100's.

Everybody is insane

2011-08-16T00:39:00.000-07:00

I used to think I could relate to no one, now I think I relate to everyone.

Everyone is batshit insane. Thus, insanity is now normal. The ones who were once considered normal are now abnormal.

Normality is so boring anyways. The people who go dress like wack-jobs and dance around in odd places make life worth living. Who wants to be surrounded by people sitting around, sipping coffee and typing on laptops in public places. Oh wait, that's not normal either, that's just maximum-douchery.

I guess without insane people, boredom would ensue... Just as a society without douchebags would have a hard time finding things to poke fun at.

/begin coherency.

Nintendo 3DS - Next game, please.

2011-08-15T00:39:00.000-07:00

I have had Ocarina of Time 3D for a couple months now, beat it, burnt myself out on it and muddled my way part through the master quest. Now the 3DS is collecting dust and the games on the shelves are lacking in quantity and quality. Then I go to the internet to see what games for the 3DS that are highly anticipated and going to be released in the near future. What do I see? Star Fox 64 3DS. Ok, so, after 5 months and 1 remake, the next big title is another remake.

Oh Nintendo. Oh Nintendo.

Nintendo 3DS - Already?

2011-03-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

It is amazing to think that the Nintendo DS is being superseded in a week. Feels like just yesterday that the DS came out... All the way back in 2004. What a great system it has been. I look forward to the 3DS with anticipation and a nice, fully-payed, pre-order receipt. EB Games had a good deal which made the 3DS essentially half-price by trading in my sparingly played DSiXL for a $125 credit towards the 3DS. Unfortunately, the one game I am looking forward to, Ocarina of Time 3D, will not be coming out for another 2 months. I guess I will just have to screw around with the augmented-reality cards and 3D camera for a while.

7... more... days...

Online Games I Revere - Part I

2011-02-09T16:20:00.000-08:00

I have been playing online computer games since the early 2000's. One of the online games that I played the most and still revere is Unreal Tournament 2004. It was introduced to me by a good friend in late 2004 and I immediately went out and bought it. It was amazing. Classic online fun and so many game modes. It was an impressive package. Huge replay value packaged with excellent graphics and a dedicated community that was heavy into modding. I played it for a solid 3 years on a regular basis, only tied with another game for the amount of time I played it.
I played the Assault mode the most out of the available game modes. The modded maps and people playing them were absolutely fantastic. The HellBender races, the Mushroom Kingdom, Command and Conquer, the Beer and Chocolate Factories. So much fun and so many hours wasted. Well, not exactly wasted, I cherish the time I spent playing this game. Time chugged on and the game aged but it seemed that it would be around forever.
Sadly the game that superseded UT2K4 did not take off. The modding community has been pretty corpsy and it is not as well known as the easy-to-mod 2004 release of UT.
As is natural in online games, no matter how good they are, (The exception being StarCraft) the community will usually fall apart. UT2K4 is still somewhat busy on certain game modes but my favorite is completely dead. There is literally 0 players playing the entire assault game mode nowadays at any time.
I miss the people I would regularly play against. I miss the huge amounts of fun I had tearing up those maps. I spent 3 years playing this game and now that the assault mode is dead and the game is slowly fading into nothingness, I regret not spending MORE time playing it while I could. Last time I could join a busy assault server was February 2009. If I had known at that point that assault was about to die, I would have stuck with it until the end.
Three years this month since the fun ended and I still think about it regularly when I am trying to figure out what computer games to play. I always feel regret that the fun is over and will never return but I still think back fondly on the good times I had. This game took me through the last half of the 2000's and will always have a high spot on my favorite lists.

HEADSHOT!

Greedo is a Sheedo.

2011-01-10T20:01:00.000-08:00

The following picture will break you.

Credit to pictureisunrelated.

I am making an educated guess that the person who played Greedo was a woman. Lucky that Harrison Ford had to deal with Greedo sitting down. I doubt he could have stood and done the scene in any seriousness with those pumps stealing the attention.

Valve, meet Windows 2000. Valve, abort Windows 2000.

2011-01-07T17:05:00.000-08:00

I realized recently after experimenting with Windows 2000 and one of my modern computers that Steam does not allow you to play games on Windows 2000 operating systems. Although it matters little as of late considering the small steam user base that actually uses Windows 2000, it does bring up some questions. Valve made it so no steam games will launch on 2000 as of August 2010.
What is stopping them from doing this to any base of operating systems in the near future? Although it is unlikely that they will axe Windows XP, for example, but if you "purchase" a bunch of games on Steam, Valve can just make it so you're current operating system is incompatible, forcing you to update you're OS. If you are on XP and if they did do that, you would be up shit creek considering that you can't upgrade XP to Windows 7 without wiping out the HDD and starting from scratch. That would make it so you would have to re-download all of the games and get the computer back to the way it was before the wipe.
It really makes you think hard about digital distribution. If you own a physical copy of a game, at least you can shove it into your computer anytime. It's not like if you decide to play Civilization IV that the game is going to be all like "Oh, hi. I see you are still using an operating system that isn't 100% modern. I am ejecting my own disc drive and refusing to install and play until you upgrade your operating system!"

Valve, shove it.

"What the hell is this crap!?"

2011-01-06T12:36:00.000-08:00

I have a guilty pleasure or two. One of the biggest is my affinity for crappy entertainment creations. When it comes to bad movies and bad games, I find some pretty heavy entertainment in the badness that they contain. I love Battlefield Earth because it is a gigantic train wreck of a motion picture with horrifying plot holes and a menacing amount of hammy-acting. I love The Room because it is a visual and scripted tragedy of biblical proportions that few could even conceive without actually watching it. I also love games like Superman on the Nintendo 64 and the now-infamous Zelda trilogy on the CD-interactive game console. For some of these, the enjoyment for me is the amazing and almost unbelievable lameness. It is incredible that any of the movies or games I have previously listed were even passed for public release. You have to imagine what kind of moron would think any of it was a good idea.

I cannot wait until the next opportunity I have to see "The Room" in theatres. My god, that is an amazing movie... Kahaha!

Crappy music is great!

2011-01-05T16:43:00.000-08:00

The title of this post is true. It is a little play on the idea that even if one hates a genre of music, someone else loves it. It is sad to see people going all butthurt at each other in the comment sections of music videos on YouTube. People are always comparing the artists of the past to the artists popular in the present and then the war begins. I don't understand why it matters. If one loves music, why can't we all just agree on that point? Just because I hate rap, I am not going to go off on a bender of insults and moronics against those who do like that particular genre of music.

I guess the idea that everything is great can go for any genre of music or entertainment as long as there are people that enjoy the stuff... With certain limits.

3D is (or was) the new Color

2011-01-04T14:41:00.000-08:00

People have been gassing on about the new 3D movies that have been coming out in a steady stream since the impressive financials of the James Cameron Blue-Furry-Nightmare were released onto the masses. I have heard 3 things.

1 - The movies made to be 3D initially are impressive.
2 - The movies that are converted for a quick 3D release are not impressive
3 - The movies are best in 2D

For the first point, I have only seen one live-action movie that was made for 3D from the get-go. That was the new Tron. I did not find it all that impressive when it came to eye-popping effects. It just seemed to have a little bit more depth and a lot of dimness.
The second point is a point I have experienced first-hand and found to be very true. My sister, her boyfriend and I went to see Clash of the Titans in 3D last year and it was absolutely underwhelming. Not just the story mind you but the fact that the movie itself had little 3D depth or imagery. It felt like a 2D movie that I had just spent extra to see for the reason of wearing goofy 80's style glasses.
I am not really sure about the third point as of yet as I have seen little for 3D movies in theatres.

I guess we will see if the stream of large-scale, public friendly movies in 3D can keep up the fad and make it something a little more standard.

I am waiting for the re-releases of the Star Wars trilogies with increasing excitement. I am very happy to have the oppurtunity to see them all for the first time on the big screen. I missed the second movie back in 2002 during it's original run, missed the 1997 theatrical release and was not born in time to see the movies in their original 1977 to 1983 runs. Here's hoping that the 3D work on these films is not as lame as the Clash of the Titans one. Also, here's hoping that George Lucas doesn't tentacle-rape the films with his satanic movie-raping abilities.

"JEDI ROCKS" SUCKS ASS. PERIOD.

AND SO DOES JABBA IN IV

People are people so why should it be...

2011-01-03T17:26:00.000-08:00

I am only human and, like everyone else, I have made mistakes here and there. I recently had a vicious little fight with a family member. Let's just say it came to blows. I usually keep my anger under a tight lid but it just came out and exploded this time around.
I regret my actions and I hope my opponent regrets theirs. Things were said, wounds were made. (Whether that be physical or mental is up to you to decide) and after it all, no progress was made in regards to anything.
I guess this is the price I pay for taking the daily parade of crap with a monotone and emotionless manner. It just cakes up over time

I feel that things are going to take a while to mend up around here, if they do at all.

Internet Trauma

2011-01-03T17:15:00.001-08:00

It's funny how things work out for me sometimes. I have had a chronic router issues for the last 5 years with no break. A friend of mine recently went out of his way to get me a well-reviewed and notoriously good router. He also installed the Tomato-Linux firmware onto it. Now that I have a good router for the first time since 2005, my Shaw modem keeps kicking itself off of the internet. This is just unbelievable. I swear if I get the modem replaced, the cable lines that run into the house will implode like the house from the end of Poltergeist. If not that, at least the rapture.

I swear I could make a Seinfeld episode out of this.

The Promise of a New Day

2011-01-02T20:29:00.000-08:00

"We will now rerelease every
Nintendo 64 game, again."

I just realized that, with the imminent release of the Nintendo 3DS, the current generation of video games is already approaching it's end. The Xbox 360 is turning 6 this year and the Wii and PS3 are turning 5. The previous generation fizzled out at about this point along the line. The end of the previous generation was also initially marked with the release of a bizarre Nintendo handheld. Hard to believe that the Nintendo DS came out in 2004, over 6 years ago.
My fondest hope is that the motion control fad gets buried with the current generation of consoles once the big three step up the next level. I have enjoyed the classically controlled games of this generation but the whole motion control thing has been a gigantic clusterfuck. Most of the Wii games I have played are just terrible. Waggle-fest nightmares and I doubt that the PlayStation Move and Kinect games will be much better. It just invites the shovelware satanists to invade and spread their shit.
Death to the shovelware and wagglefest. With the dawn of a new day in the video gaming market, I look forward with cautious optimism.

Big Blue's Big Bad Board

2010-12-31T21:06:00.000-08:00

I am currently using a classic input device on my home computer. The critically acclaimed, much loved IBM Model M. I received this from a great former teacher of mine. He had a bunch of old keyboards awaiting disposal by the school board and I asked if I could waffle through them to see if there is any of those classic "Buckling-spring" keyboards as I had always wanted one. I found an IBM keyboard with just the perfect touch and sound and he let me have it for free. Little did I realize that the keyboard I picked up was the famous Model M. It weighs a considerable 5 lbs and has a standard PS/2 cord.
I used it for a while but my computer use necessitated volume controls and a windows key. I retired it temporarily and continued to use a crappy Dell hub keyboard I found at a thrift store some time before. Eventually I found a program called Clavier+ which allowed custom hot keys and now Big Blue is back at the center of my desk. It predates all of the equipment I am using in regards to my computer setup. The 2nd oldest item is my 4 speaker Altec Lansing setup from 2000.

It was built in May 1993 and now, over 16 Years later, it is still working. Well beyond the other technological items considered modern when it was produced. Back when Commodore and Atari were still players in the personal computer market. Back when Windows was making huge strides into the OS market with Windows 3.11. Back when most games still came out on floppy diskettes and the internet was just some small fad undertaken by a few here and there.

I will not replace this Model M until the day it is no longer functioning. I have no doubt that it will outlast the availability of the PS/2 port on modern computers and the rest of my computer equipment.

Our modern day "cheap-and-heap" society has caused us to lose the foresight to create products that have the endurance to remain perfectly usable and fully operational into the future. I am glad that the relics of the past continue to serve us in the way they were originally meant. Collecting dust in some room or degrading in some dump is not a worthy end for such fine things.

Well, this is the end of 2010. I hope everyone has a happy New Year.

Terrible TV Show.

2010-12-26T21:34:00.000-08:00

TMZ.

What a gigantic load of shit. It is a bunch of douchebag paparazzi wannabe's who sit around a room and analyze badly shot videos of celebrities. I fully support any celebrity that assaults these pricks when they are being hounded. It does not fucking matter if they are seeing someone or if they are partying somewhere.
Also, whoever is controlling the cameras in this room from hell needs to learn camera control. As a friend pointed out, they like to zoom and shake the camera every 3 seconds because the majority of assholes who watch TMZ have attention issues and need constant visual stimulation to keep watching. That and perversed celebrity gossip and harassment.

Everyone who works on and stars in TMZ needs to go to hell. Stop screwing with celebrities and find a profession that isn't satanic and sad.

Use your harpoons and tow cables. Go for the legs!

2010-12-12T20:31:00.000-08:00

Ah, Rogue Squadron. What a great game. I bought it off a friend back in 2001 for the Nintendo 64 and played it a ton. One of the last Nintendo 64 games that I played when it was still my principle system. It was one of the first Star Wars games I had ever played and was so different from the X-Wing franchise that I had toyed around with a bit in the late 90's on the PC.
The Controls in the game were easy to get used to, the voice acting was top notch, the graphics were superb and the storyline and missions were fantastic. The replay value of the game was high due to the medal and unlockable mission content.
All in all a very well rounded game. The only minus is the cruddy draw-distance which precipitated the use of heavy fog in all of the levels. It is not just a little bit, it is a LOT. It is too bad that Factor 5 and LucasArts had not worked out the graphics engine as well as they did a few years later for the Semi-Sequel, Battle for Naboo.
The game had two full-scale sequels, both released on the GameCube. One was a launch title for the system, the other came a couple years later.
The second game truly carried the spirit and sheen of the original title. Remakes of the classic musical cues, fantastic missions, great voice acting and a story that is well driven from start to finish. The graphics were exceptional. They look as good now as they did 9 years ago. The game sucks you into the action from the very first level which was a remake of the Battle of Yavin included the classic trench run and ends with the Battle of Endor. From the fight against the Star Destroyers to the actual destruction of the Death Star II's reactor.

The third, and to date, final game in the Rogue Squadron franchise came out in 2003. It was similar to the second game in regards voice acting, music and graphics and it included some interesting and varied ground based combat. Certain missions required foot or walker based battles alongside the traditional and still thrilling aerial combat. A big bonus for this game is the fact that, since it was worked from the second game, they included the entire second game as a separate, splitscreen cooperative campaign. This adds a massive amount of replay value and fun to an already rounded entry in the Rogue Squadron franchise.
As I said previously, the third games release in 2003 was the last in the franchise. It is unfortunate that LucasArts has sat on it for so long. It also doesn't help that Factor 5 USA dissolved in mid 2009. It is a very similar situation the Sim City franchise. LucasArts has appeared to have busied themselves with other projects and neglected one of their big ones just like Electronic Arts.

WE GOTTA BUY MORE TIME!

I look forward to a new Rogue Squadron game with optimism. (And it better be on the damned 360 and PlayStation 3. I do not want some half-assed, waggle controlled, 480p nightmare of anti-aliasing-lacking tripe.)

Nasty Little Secrets

2010-12-10T18:05:00.000-08:00

Many world governments are getting riled up about this WikiLeaks business. They are all acting like a group of embarrassed friends who were caught talking behind your back. Acting as if the problem is not themselves but he or she who finds the paper trail. Here is a little tip for all world governments: Stop being little whiny bitches and get along. Be open with eachother and strive for peace. Keeping your nasty little secrets "Well bottled up" just leads to damaged international relations and political tension. Instead of planning how to destroy and/or overthrow who, talk it out.
Besides, Julian Assange is just a missionary of freedom of speech and information. One who wants openness. Stop treating him like a terrorists and a criminal.

The best solution is not the one which ends in death.

Flea Market: Meretricious Wares.

2010-12-06T23:00:00.000-08:00

Flea Markets.

The center of some communities.

A place where people trade their belongings with other people.

The place where assholes try to overcharge morons for broken, cheaply made Asian merchandise and trashed "collectibles".
Whatever happened to the flea markets of yore where you could find nice people with good bargains on collectible merchandise spanning all sorts of hobbies and interest centers? Now when you go through the flea markets, it is a massive orgy of poorly made toys and overpriced t-shirts, swords and other crap you could find at Wal-Mart for half the price. It's too bad that people are still sucked into the lame "deals" hocked by flea market deadbeats. I wish the people that shop at flea markets would come to the realization about the vendors that Linda Hamilton did about Pierce Brosnan in Dante's Peak.

"You're out of your mind! OH! You're out of your mind!!"

As for the vendors themselves. Mostly scumbags. Not all of them are evil but there is that select bunch of satanic, unscrupulous individuals. Pure capitalist evil, leeching off the stupid consumer mass like a cancer. If people wanted to purchase the cheap toys and other hokey gizmo's that are sold in mass at modern flea markets, they should just go to the dollar store.

A big problem with the modern flea market is the harsh pricing on collectible or seen-as-collectible items. It is most likely the way it is because of the people who are willing to pay a big premium on them as to avoid internet purchases ala eBay.

I have a clear message for the vendors at flea markets:

You all deserve a gigantic cellophane S thrown at you by the late, great Christopher Reeve.

Tummy, Period.

2010-12-06T17:13:00.000-08:00

It is funny how asinine society is. We are so critical of other people and the way they act that we will attack the words that they use. Point in case is in the movie Superman from 1978. Lois Lane makes a big deal just because Clark still uses the word "Swell" which has seen little use since the mid 20th century. A friend of mine used the word tummy, much to my constant criticism. I realized during my humorous poking of the use of that word that I was being a moron. A moron because I was giving someone the business over using a word that means what was meant. Does it really matter how one talks as long as the meaning is clear and the point is made?

Shame on you, Shame on me.

Shame on Society.

The Simpsons is no longer Cromulent.

2010-12-05T23:11:00.000-08:00

The Simpsons was a staple of my family's regular program viewing. Although I may have been a little young back in the early 1990's, my parents still let me watch it... Even though my mother would change the channel whenever Itchy and Scratchy would come on. The show was amazing. Such incredible humor. It is way up there with Seinfeld along the lines of the best comedies of that era.

This is true.

It started as an animated sitcom which had it's humor based on normally grounded situations and realistic circumstances that normal households would deal with. As the 1990s slid into the 2000s, the show began to mix in more unrealistic situations and fantastical elements. That's when the downhill slide began. Instead of episodes about work related troubles or marital turbulence, we started to see people flying and repetitive, forced humor based around ridiculous plot twists. It was a sad decline that I decided to quit after viewing one absolutely terrible episode back in 2005. I rarely missed a new episode of the program from the first weeks I watched it in my childhood up until 2005. I had noticed that the show was lacking in the humor of the past episodes but my enjoyment of the show ended abruptly with the episode titled "On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister" which aired on March 6th, 2005.

Let that picture sum up the episode.

Bart pisses off Lisa after several minutes of forced humor. After another few minutes of forced humor, Lisa has a restraining order posted against Bart. Let's ignore the fact that Lisa manages to use and navigate a 20 foot pole around the Simpson household to ensure the distance and order are upheld. Insert more forced humor and then the restraining order is increased to 200 feet. This makes Bart have to live in the Simpsons backyard which is for some unknown reason, a hundred times bigger than usual. It is massive and filled with forest and wildlife. What the hell. The episode literally ends with the family randomly playing musical instruments in unison. What a load of crap. During the credits, I stood up and said out loud "I am not watching these new episodes any more." 5 Years later plus and I still have yet to watch a full, new episode.

Protip: A funny show makes people laugh. A lame show does not.

The MSX Home Computer

2010-12-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

I have just started emulating the MSX computer line on my current PC. I have never actually dived into the MSX scene before so it is all new to me. One of the last hold-outs. I am quite impressed with the graphical abilities of the computer considering it's initial release was in 1983. I am even more impressed by the roster of companies that initially supported the idea of creating a home computer standard in an industry which was extremely fragmented between diverse proprietary standards. The MSX standard never penetrated deep into the market like the IBM PC, Apple and Commodore computer standards of the time. Perhaps if the computers had been marketed better in non-asian countries, we would all be using MSX based hardware. The idea of a standard in computing failing with the support of nearly every major electronics company in the modern world is bizarre.

PS: Metal Gear on the MSX beats the living hell out of Metal Gear on the Nintendo Entertainment System. "THE TRUCK HAVE STARTED TO MOVE!" What the hell is that!?

Universal Hate, Universal Love.

2010-12-04T15:28:00.000-08:00

Is there such a thing as universal hate? When you think about it, even something as awful as Hitler and Nazism is loved by some people. Is there anything that is truly hated by everyone or does the varied passions of the citizens of this warped little planet of ours negate that possibility?

Or perhaps we should look at the concept of universal love. Something that no person hates and every person loves. Is that possible? Is it possible for something to be so good that no one holds any reason not to love it?

Ayohoayiiu?

2010-12-04T00:00:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine was recently playing around with Star Wars - The Force Unleashed 2. He finished his adventure through that over dramatic tragedy and decided to uninstall it. This is what he gets:

Roughly translated as: Ohh Ayenoahayoaheyu Oyoeah Oaayuh Star Wars The Force Unleashed 2 e ana ayyyyyyyyaeeooo Ayohoayiiu?

WHAT THE HELL KIND OF UNINSTALL PROMPT IS THAT!?

As my friend said. It is clearly a woman climaxing over Star Wars. I apologize for the crudeness of that but it is true. Ohh Ayenoahayoaheyu Oyoeah Oaayuh! Oyoeah Oaayuh! Oyoeah Oaayuh! Oyoeah Oaayuh!

Either that or the entire development team of LucasArts is full of this:

We gotta buy more time!

2010-12-02T20:14:00.000-08:00

I have encountered many, many glitches in video games. One of the funniest glitches in a game I have ever encountered was the Lando Calrissian speech glitch in the co-op mode of Star Wars Rogue Squadron III. During the Battle of Endor level, Lando comes over the radio during the heat of battle and says "We gotta buy more time!". That is pretty normal as it is one of the many voice messages you hear during the battle. Every once in a while when you decide to replay the level, the game glitches. Instead of saying that phrase once, he starts repeating it until the level is complete. Sometimes it is so bad, he ends up saying the line with no spacing in between the speech. It becomes pretty bizarre when trying to win the final, epic battle of the Star Wars franchise with Lando vocal-spamming the entire thing. Here is a perfect example of a less extreme happening of the glitch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s54tsR5xvY0

WE GOTTA BUY MORE TIME!

Reticulating Splines

2010-12-01T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sim City. It has been here alongside me on my many diverse adventures through the world of computers. From our first GUI computer, an HP Pavilion which had Sim City 2000 as a pack-in title to my latest modern custom with SimCity 4 installed indefinitely, the franchise has never failed to entertain me and keep me playing.

As stated previously, my first Sim City experience was on an HP Pavilion computer that my dad brought home after work one day in mid 1996. I didn't even know about Sim City 2000 until I explored around the hard drive some time later. My kindergarten mind was intrigued and I never stopped playing it. The theme song from the Sim City 2000 splash screen is still stuck in my head. The game was just so different than the platform titles I was used to playing in the mid 1990's. Slowly the HP started to die. First it was it's disc drive then the massive slowdown began.

My family finally decided in the summer of 2000 to get a new custom Certified Data computer. My dad decided to let my sister and I pick out two new games to go along with our powerful new tower with an actual working CD drive. My sister picked out "The Sims" and, once I saw the box beside it, had little choice in the matter. I snatched up Sim City 3000 Unlimited in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, the custom computer took 2 months to be finished by London Drugs computer division and all I could do was read the manual for the game back-to-front over and over again. When the day came, I was astounded and glued again to the Sim City franchise like back in '96. It didn't last long though. The game was very similar to 2000 and didn't hold my attention nearly as long as the 2nd.

In 2004 we finally replaced our Certified Data with a new Compaq computer and Sim City 3000 with SimCity 4. I found the game to be super hard in comparison to it's predecessors and too graphic intensive for our computer at the time. I waited until the Compaq was replaced in 2006 to get into it and have been playing it fairly regularly since. Amazing modifications like the Network Addon and RealHighway have kept the game fresh and enticing.

That's where my Sim City story ends. I tried out SimCity Societies at a friends house and hated it. I also strongly disliked the CityLife games and CitiesXL games. I find it to be a tragedy that the 8 year anniversary of the latest standard Sim City release is coming up next month. The landmark franchise that put Maxis on the map and kept them going up until their absorption into the Electronic Arts behemoth has been at rest for so long.

Apple Computer est mauvais!

2010-11-24T20:31:00.000-08:00

(This is true)

Apple Computer is the scourge of the computer industry. It is like a cancer that is fed by stupid consumers who care more about how their computers look on the outside than how much money they spend and how functional the computer is in all categories be it gaming or visual design.
I have looked into it myself, as have many others. Look it up yourselves. The amount of money you pay versus the amount of capabilities you get always favours the PC. If more companies used the same sales strategies as Apple, also known as "Taking Advantage of Morons 101", the world would be a terrible place. Imagine if the PlayStation 3 was priced at 1000 dollars because is has the Sony logo and a shiny white sheen on it's outside case. Also add the lack of capabilities allowed on much cheaper platforms. I guess for the idiots that buy Apple products, that would be fantastic. I mean, the color of the outside sure makes it worth paying a huge premium.

Are you keeping up with the Commodore?

2010-11-23T23:21:00.000-08:00

Commodore is a classic story of stupidity. Rule the market that you are involved in, sit once you are far ahead and only get back up once the entire market has surpassed and forgotten about you. Finish off by falling off into the bankruptcy bliss while trying to play catch-up.
I'm glad to see that a form of the Commodore company is back in business as Commodore USA. I just hope that they stick to the original principle that made Commodore the toast of the computer industry. Computers for the masses, not the classes... Well that and don't go all proprietary with the computers you sell. If you make cheap, quality products with familiar branding and styles, you could rise up as a reputable brand again.

I hope they will continue the rise of Amiga brand and os from its current stagnation. Perhaps trying to push it into mainstream is a good idea... If they are cheap enough, of course. We do not need another Apple Computer on our hands. I believe that the Commodore name could be enough to start a slow push into the computer marketplace.
For some reason I do not quite understand, Commodore has lasted through bankruptcy and numerous name and holding changes and it is still hugely popular in computer circles. It has been 16 years since the last classic Commodore computers were produced yet people are still paying attention.

Wet and Depressing

2010-11-16T15:33:00.000-08:00

Most games have their ups and downs. I find that even the best game can have some pretty horrible moments. For me, one of the most dreadful gaming moments is the Water Temple from The Legend of Zelda, Ocarina of time.

The game is a masterpiece. My sister and I played it religiously for a year after she got it for her 12th birthday. We had so much fun exploring this new and amazing world. It was something like we have never experienced before. Such amazing graphics, such interesting plot twists. The world of gaming would never have been the same after we first booted this thing up on our Nintendo 64. We both took turns romping about the land of Hyrule, slowly getting closer and closer to the goal of completion. I don't think my sister ever forgave me for the fact that I beat the final boss when she was at a baseball tournament back in '99. She made me re-beat the boss when she came back home just so she could see the game's closing. Every time I beat this game, and I do on a yearly basis, I still get a lump in my throat during the ending credits because it is still special to me. No game as ever made me feel the same since. This is my favorite game and I believe it will always be so. Whether it be nostalgic value or it's amazing... well, everything. Funny thing is that my sister and I kept our original file and played around it. We never deleted it and we can still play that original file. It's sad for me to think that, like all other cartridge games with a save system, all the save data will disappear due to the loss of the internal battery's ability to keep power in the near future.

Translation: Welcome to Hell.

Well, after all that, I find it pretty easy to figure out where the wrong is in this game. That wrong is wet and depressing. The Water Temple. Talk about this temple to any Ocarina of Time fan and you will instantly hear complaints, frustration and bad memories. It is a horrible complex series of nightmarish puzzles, death traps and horrors from beyond. So many locked doors, so many changes of boot inventory. SO MANY OCARINA SONGS AND WATER LEVEL CHANGES! It is literally one of the most frustrating levels in the history of good video games. I still have problems with it nowadays even though its been well over a decade since my sister and I first played it. On a side note, this temple caused us to use our first and only strategy guide.

All of that aside, there is another part of this temple that is extraordinarily frustrating. When you are nearing the end of this nightmare, you enter a tranquil looking room with 2 doors on opposite sides and a reflective water and island setting. One you pass the island, you will realize that your reflection has disappeared. It is standing in dark horror on the island and waiting to kick your ass. Dark Link is a very extreme opponent to deal with. I can safely say that he, in this game, is the hardest boss of them all. The final boss, Ganon, can't even match the pain you will go through with Dark Link. He will rarely let your sword hit him. His tactics are near perfect and he matches your attacks tit for tat. He will even jump on your sword and mess you up. I don't know how we managed to beat him back in '99 because he is still hard for me now. Pure gaming evil.

Whenever I look back on my worst memories of video games, it is funny how this temple always shines through my favorite video game. It is horrifying how annoying it can be and always will be.

Perfect Dark Perfection

2010-11-14T20:44:00.000-08:00

Along the lines of two of my other posts about games which are special to me, Perfect Dark is right up there. If I were asked to pick between the classic 2000 release Nintendo 64 title or the recent Xbox Live Arcade revamp, I choose the original.

This game was awesome then and is awesome now. It pushes the limits of what the Nintendo 64 could do graphically that it still chugged in certain areas even with the memory expansion pak as a single player requirement. The single player campaign was fantasic. It was playable in 3 ways. Single, cooperative or counter-operative. The multiplayer really shines though. It is basically GoldenEye 007 on extreme steroids. Tons of original and new weapons and the ability to customize every aspect of the multiplayer round. Even custom characters and AI with team abilities.

One of my favorite things to do in the game is toy around in multiplayer mode with weapons that cause visual blur. Most notably, the N-Bomb and Tranquilizer. The N-Bomb even more so as it causes the enemy to drop all the weapons he or she is holding. The blur can be crippling to playability so those who are not proficient with the n-bombs or tranquilizers will be spending lots of time dead.

The weapons in this game are top notch. So many varieties and modes that you can never stop having fun with them. For example, the alien weapon called the Slayer. It is a rocket launcher with an alternate mode that allows you to control the rocket, first person. It allows for some pretty hilarious chasing. Another classic weapon is the Farsight XR20. It has a railgun mode that allows you to shoot through the walls of the entire level. The secondary mode of that gun has the same effect except it tracks enemies automatically.

As mentioned before, the single player campaigns have variety due to the alternate ways of playing them. The Cooperative mode allows for easier campaign play and the regular fun of a multiplayer game. The counter-operative mode is similar. It has one player as the protagonist and the other as the enemies on the level. The protagonist has to go throughout the level as normal and the enemy player has to stop her. The person who plays the enemy has to deal with the crippling lack of health though as a balance to allow the protagonist a fair chance. This counter-operative mode is lame unless played with a person of equal ability. Good knowledge of the levels is helpful.

It's too bad that this game was released so late in the Nintendo 64's life cycle as it deserved a hell of a lot more praise and press then it got back in 2000. It's thunder was stolen by the Dreamcast and impending release of the PlayStation 2. (Well I guess the latter stole Dreamcast's thunder too) I am just thankful that this game saw an upgraded rerelease on the Xbox 360.

Think of the poor, starving Augers.

2010-11-14T00:44:00.000-08:00

Guilty pleasures are nice aren't they? For many they are a source of embarrassment. For me, well, I like to show them off. Here is one of them. A classic (considered classically bad) video game title for the Sega CD/32X, 3DO, and PC. This is a big one.

Night Trap.

A full-motion-video game which is played out by pressing buttons in sync with what you are witnessing on the screen. The interactivity is limited, as is the replay value as the film events basically continue in the same order until you either lose or finish the game.
Here's a little background information on the game. It was made for an aborted game console that never saw the light from the mid-to-late 1980's. The footage itself was filmed in 1987 which gives the video a very dated, cheesy and classic 1980's veneer. Even the theme music is a quintessential 80s train wreck. It was ported to multiple systems and was a major controversy at the time of it's release.

(You gonna get raped!)

The game's plot is an oddball vampire story. Basically, there is this family of vampires who send out their children to befriend groups of other teen children, invite them to their beach house for a multi-day visit and then... vampire them. This time there is a mole in the group of invited teens. Your job is to protect them all as part of a Special attack force called SCAT (Yes, I know). You watch and interact with the things going on in the house through an elaborate camera and trap system that the family has set up for catching the non-vampires.

The acting is absolutely awful, minus the late Dana Plato who is cast as the mole/operative. Its full of terrible dialogue, cliche's and really, really creepy moments. Creepy in a "Dear god, was this supposed to be serious" way.

Boy, do I love this game. It's just amazing. It's so bad it's good. A type of game made in a very different era. A type of game that was experimental and lost in time due to changing trends in consumer needs. I wonder if FMV games will ever make a comeback considering the vast strides made in multimedia entertainment since the initial release of this game in the early 1990's.

A note of interest: This game was one of the causes of the creation of the Interactive Digital Software Association, now known as the ESRB. Yes, that's right. That bunch of people who have to rate every game and put a little logo on the front depending on the content. The idea that this game was ever controversial in any way is just amazing to me. There is little in this game that would offend even the members of that satanic Westboro Baptist Church.

Motoring and Baccarat

2010-11-13T14:18:00.000-08:00

I am a big gamer. I have hundreds of video games across countless systems.

One of my favorites is GoldenEye... the Nintendo 64 title. It's still a great game today, well over a decade since it's release. The single player campaign is still a challenge and the multiplayer is a classic compliment to any LAN/Gaming event. The multiplayer aspects of this game are fantastic and a riot when played with friends.
The graphics, as most would assume with a game that is from 1997, are a bit dated by today's standards but that doesn't detract from the game. What does detract from the game is this:

NATALYA SIMONOVA

She is Bond's girl in the movie and likewise, in the game. She is a computer programmer from the Russian Federation who is instrumental in stopping the evil plans of the Janus Syndicate. Unfortunately, in the game, she looks far from her film counterpart. She is more likened to a man than anything else... Huge shoulders and all. Anyways, in certain levels in the game, you have to rescue and/or protect her. Both of these tasks are beyond annoying because she is... lacking in survival instinct. She finds it to be a good idea to walk right in front of you when you are shooting enemies. 9 out of 10 times, she gets clobbered by your bullets, dies, and makes you fail the mission. Believe me, every mission she is in cannot be finished if she is dead. The real odd thing is that in all the levels she is in. she has no problem with walking in front of you and getting shot but in the Archives level, if you shoot anywhere near her, she gets scared, runs across the level and hides. You have to retrieve her in order to continue. I swear she is actually a villain. She makes you fail more times than the enemies that are trying to actually kill you.

In the Janus Control Center mission, her "evil" counterpart, Boris, is somewhere in the level. If you talk to him, he tries to shoot you. Because he is a failure at life, he drops the gun. If you look away, he runs. If you shoot him, nothing happens. Well, that is, nothing happens until you open the door to the central control room for Natalya. She gets a stick up her ass about you killing one of the villains for some reason and fails the mission for you by going back to the beginning and pouting in the elevator. The only thing you can do is shoot her in the ass until she is dead, of course.

As a matter of fact, killing Natalya is one of the funnest parts of the game. One of the most humorous ways to kill her is to blow her up after the level is finished. Here is a YouTube example:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0GBZUi2n9HM&

I would count Natalya Simonova as one of the most irritating and stupid game characters in history. She actually makes Big the Cat from Sonic Adventure tolerable. I close this blog/review with this:

Society Sucks. Derp.

2010-11-11T23:18:00.000-08:00

I have nothing worth writing about. I think.

I just find fault with absolutely everything. People have quipped about this and to them I say "I could find a problem with Mother Teresa." Well, maybe that's a bad thing. A really bad thing. I take that back. I don't find fault with Mother Teresa. She is one of 17 things in the modern world that I do not have a problem with.

I would like to share a quote from one of my favorite movies:

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth, banks are going bust, shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the street and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it. We know the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat, and we sit watching our TV's while some local newscaster tells us that today we had fifteen homicides and sixty-three violent crimes, as if that's the way it's supposed to be. We know things are bad - worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything everywhere is going crazy, so we don't go out anymore. We sit in the house, and slowly the world we are living in is getting smaller, and all we say is, 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not gonna leave you alone. I want you to get mad! I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot - I don't want you to write to your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the street. All I know is that first you've got to get mad."

Considering it is from a movie from 1976, it is pretty accurate in regards to modern society. Just replace the Russians with something else and you've got 2010. The line about the world getting smaller is more important now than it ever could have been in the mid seventies what with the internet and all.

Modern society is faulted in many ways. In one way, we have seen little progress in regards to social justice. In my opinion, social justice has backtracked massively since the 1980's. People are more touchy about racism now than any time since the late 1960's. I doubt people could even make a movie like Blazing Saddles and get away with it now. It doesn't really seem to matter if you're joking or not, people will take it bad and start some ruckus over it.

I guess this also relates to the overly safe-obsessed society we are involving into. Plastic wrap the playgrounds, replace the pebbles with woodchips, ban the peanuts, delay full driver licencing for young people, etc. No fun is allowed anymore. No pain, no hurting. We are all supposed to learn by warning not by doing. Doing is bad now. Doing is illegal. Doing could cause scraped knees or even, perhaps, death! But wait, I just realized that people are still dying!

Just imagine if some ruling force came down upon the human race in our infancy and kept us safe. We would be far worse off. Can't learn without a few mistakes.